I'm having one of those moments where God's presence is really strong. I'm probably missing an opportunity to learn something or relax with Him, but I just really feel like sharing it. Whatever a blog is worth in the grand scheme, that is. But let's be up front about something nonbelievers really miss out on: the Holy Spirit is a romantic at heart. He loves to variously tickle and melt your heart.
I've been meaning to jot down several events from the last week. Since tonight is most fresh, I'll just start with it.
25 August 2009 (6:15 p.m.-11:00 p.m.)
The guys came over for poker and burgers. It's the first time most of them had been here, and it'll be the last time for a while that we're all in the same room together. The roster seems to change every time we get together, as schedules tend to fluctuate, but the core group is usually the same. And it was a guy's night par excellence. From the themes we covered in our jokes to our shared esteem for hamburger patties. It was authentic. They trickled out of here maybe an hour ago, but Matt and his parents lagged behind a bit. My folks and I sat around chatting until the night was truly over. And then it set in: I'm effectively out of calendar events between the present and Briercrest. I could make another appointment, and I could slip into having something nearer to look forward to, but this big life change ain't going anywhere. I don't want it to. But I guess, for all that I dismiss about Yarmouth, it hasn't sunk in that I'm leaving. And that's a weird thing to find out after filling one's gullet. You get that weird sense of controlled diziness where you feel like you're viewing the world through a soap opera tint. It's half dream state, half interstate. Anyway, I can't thank God enough for giving me wonderful friends. Some day, when I re-read this blog post, may I not need it to remind me to pray for the following wonderful people: Matt B., AJ, Matt F., Jon, Mike, Scott, Chad, Dick and Doreen.
23 August 2009
Hurricane Bill. Usually, the mention of a hurricane conjures images of floods and destruction and people who've been ejected from their homes. Bill was different. He grazed our province en route to dissipation, and I don't mean this to make light of those who did suffer loss as a result of his personified wake. But what he did for our church was beautiful. I emerged from the house at roughly 10:00 a.m. and dashed to my car, hardly getting sprinkled with warm, tropical drops. Not realizing he would leave our area unscathed, I decided to gas up my car en route to picking up a friend for church. By the time I reached the pumps, the wind was gusting a good huff, deflecting the rain horizontally through what should have been a central, sheltered gas pump. I spent the rest of the morning drenched on my back side. When we got to church, the power was out. I was kind of dumbstruck and wet, but then when I spied people bringing chairs into the foyer, which was lit from the outside, I knew something special was about to happen. We had an acoustic piano in the entrance, which served as our worship focus along with an acoustic guitar and set of bongos. It was probably the most intimate church experience I've had since I joined the Wesleyan church almost two years ago. AJ preached a dynamite sermon (i.e. God speaking through him), and the rest of the day was quite pleasant. Sunny and everything. So yeah, Hurricane Bill. We hardly knew ye, but we won't forget ya.
21 August 2009
Not sure why God has been so kind to me lately, but I received an invitation last week to join a group from church who were going tidal bore rafting. The plan was to meet in the church parking lot at 4:45 a.m. so we could make the trip to Shubenacadie for 9:30. Chad, Tiffany, Colton, and I shared a car and a lot of laughs throughout the long return drive. Can't say what we spoke about specifically, but I am truly blessed to have such great and encouraging friends. I know God has a lot of new ones waiting for me in Saskatchewan, but in a way it feels like I'm just catching my stride here.
I hope, if anything, people who stumble onto this blog appreciate how much God has given me. It's nice to re-read some of these posts and trace a few of my life's events, but it occurs to me that I didn't copy over my testimony from my other blog (try this), which means this one is sorely lacking in standaloneness. If my life sounds like an adventure, it's because it is. But things weren't always this way. These posts are penned by someone who more than once contemplated suicide and had been caught up in drugs and the whole business. God hasn't given me a new chance in life; He's given me a new life, period. Not just through the events I've mentioned so far, either; He goes way beyond that. People are finding me, and I'm finding people. God is everywhere. I receive encouraging notes all the time, from friends I had drifted from or never really known until now. (Natalie, you've been a great help lately! May God bless and keep you and your family!) So yeah, this journey is just beginning. This is an odd place to insert a gospel message, but I will just say for the record that it doesn't matter what relation to me or what you typed into Google that has brought you here. I dare you to make a sincere plea with Jesus and tell me He's not real! But if you're like I had become, sincerity is a dangerous, vulnerable place you might not want to go. It's the kind of thing that only experience can explain; words won't suffice. That's why I try not to Bible thump people, though I fail miserably at times. But yeah, you can think me insane or deceived or delusional, but I nothing can pry me away from Jesus. I want to die in Him and He in me. I like my chances at a hope and a future. :)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Time Winding Down in Nova Scotia
Today's been a long day. Actually, this week promises to drag on. But not in the negative sense, more like the make-the-most-of-my-last-two-weeks-at-home sense. Two months ago, before a lesson-filled summer, I had fresh eyes. Nova Scotia was like a dear friend and a chapter of my life that would henceforth never be the same. I was finally striking out (in the on-my-own sense). But then after the pitfalls and habits and tendencies the devil knows about, I spent most of my summer fighting with him. Didn't backslide like last year, but I certainly missed a lot of opportunities this season. And recently God has done a great deal to restore me.
I think it's fitting that I return to blogging with some "embarassing" testimonies. Well, just one but a biggie. As someone who once preached that the best way out of a bad situation is to sing God's praises, I'm going to relate one of the weirdest experiences I've had. Anyone who reads this is likely aware that I had an issue with my kidneys in June. You may also recall that I was convinced God had healed me. Well, I truly did believe it. Today it was confirmed. But sometimes confirmations come in odd forms. In my case it meant a cystoscopy that my doctor referred me to in June. After one cancellation--for which I confess I was relieved--it was rebooked and happened today. If you aren't familiar, I'll save you Googling it. It's a procedure in which a camera is inserted through the urethra until it reaches the bladder. The awkward to pain ratio is 1000:1, easy. And I praise God for yielding both a clean bill of health and heck of a lot of composure throughout the process, from the initial referral to the waiting game to the actual procedure. And now, in a sense, I am fully cleared to move to Saskatchewan.
God's faithfulness can't be put into words, so I might as well throw in very matter-of-factly that my student loan came through yesterday. He continues to provide.
But I guess, if this makes any sense, I'm most grateful for a restored sense of appreciation. On the way home today, after getting up real early, driving to Kentville with an hour and a half to spare, waiting for three hours to get into day surgery, and all that jazz, I had determined to catch up on lost sleep on the way home. (I wasn't driving, as you might deduce.) But I couldn't. I looked out at the rolling hills and farmland in the Annapolis Valley, and I realized just how beautiful this province is. Again, I don't have words, but I would like to zero in on one little observation. I've been trying to allow God to heal me and disciple me in such a way as to restore a child's spirit in me. It's hard to explain, especially to analytical people like me, but I had a really emotional moment at one point. It doesn't bother me that I can't explain why, but I can tell you what prompted it. We were driving through farm country, through rows and rows of cornfields and orchards and, well, anything people grow in the valley. But then we drove past this modest property, that seemed, by all indicators, to consist of a home and a few rows of vegetables. Clearly, whoever lived there wasn't a commercial farmer. But then it hit me: the resident(s) clearly put some faith in God. I don't want to make judgments based on visual cues, but whether or not this person has an ounce of faith, I just can't help but believe they kind of depend on feeding themselves to a certain extent off the land--especially in this down economy. And there are a couple beautiful things about that. First, you lean on the Provider who plants, waters, and grows all life. And second, when you reap a harvest, there just has to be a certain childlike rejoicing. There just has to. I guess I can relate to that because it's precisely who I have to be if I expect to make it out west. Yeah, God did it all. Yes, my family and church have been very supportive. But if I can't lean on God after such a dramatic upheaval of all my comforts and norms and status quos and expectations in life, I never will. Call me crazy, but I believe He will transform me in ways I don't know to ask Him to. It's exciting. You know, in a joyful tear sense.
"We are bringing you good news, telling you to turn from ... worthless things to the living God, who made heaven and earth and sea and everything in them. In the past, he let all nations go their own way. Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy." (Acts 14:15-17)
I think it's fitting that I return to blogging with some "embarassing" testimonies. Well, just one but a biggie. As someone who once preached that the best way out of a bad situation is to sing God's praises, I'm going to relate one of the weirdest experiences I've had. Anyone who reads this is likely aware that I had an issue with my kidneys in June. You may also recall that I was convinced God had healed me. Well, I truly did believe it. Today it was confirmed. But sometimes confirmations come in odd forms. In my case it meant a cystoscopy that my doctor referred me to in June. After one cancellation--for which I confess I was relieved--it was rebooked and happened today. If you aren't familiar, I'll save you Googling it. It's a procedure in which a camera is inserted through the urethra until it reaches the bladder. The awkward to pain ratio is 1000:1, easy. And I praise God for yielding both a clean bill of health and heck of a lot of composure throughout the process, from the initial referral to the waiting game to the actual procedure. And now, in a sense, I am fully cleared to move to Saskatchewan.
God's faithfulness can't be put into words, so I might as well throw in very matter-of-factly that my student loan came through yesterday. He continues to provide.
But I guess, if this makes any sense, I'm most grateful for a restored sense of appreciation. On the way home today, after getting up real early, driving to Kentville with an hour and a half to spare, waiting for three hours to get into day surgery, and all that jazz, I had determined to catch up on lost sleep on the way home. (I wasn't driving, as you might deduce.) But I couldn't. I looked out at the rolling hills and farmland in the Annapolis Valley, and I realized just how beautiful this province is. Again, I don't have words, but I would like to zero in on one little observation. I've been trying to allow God to heal me and disciple me in such a way as to restore a child's spirit in me. It's hard to explain, especially to analytical people like me, but I had a really emotional moment at one point. It doesn't bother me that I can't explain why, but I can tell you what prompted it. We were driving through farm country, through rows and rows of cornfields and orchards and, well, anything people grow in the valley. But then we drove past this modest property, that seemed, by all indicators, to consist of a home and a few rows of vegetables. Clearly, whoever lived there wasn't a commercial farmer. But then it hit me: the resident(s) clearly put some faith in God. I don't want to make judgments based on visual cues, but whether or not this person has an ounce of faith, I just can't help but believe they kind of depend on feeding themselves to a certain extent off the land--especially in this down economy. And there are a couple beautiful things about that. First, you lean on the Provider who plants, waters, and grows all life. And second, when you reap a harvest, there just has to be a certain childlike rejoicing. There just has to. I guess I can relate to that because it's precisely who I have to be if I expect to make it out west. Yeah, God did it all. Yes, my family and church have been very supportive. But if I can't lean on God after such a dramatic upheaval of all my comforts and norms and status quos and expectations in life, I never will. Call me crazy, but I believe He will transform me in ways I don't know to ask Him to. It's exciting. You know, in a joyful tear sense.
"We are bringing you good news, telling you to turn from ... worthless things to the living God, who made heaven and earth and sea and everything in them. In the past, he let all nations go their own way. Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy." (Acts 14:15-17)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Divine Appointments
Admittedly, this has been a long, arduous summer. I'm trying my best to take it to heart so I don't neglect some of the many lessons that have been thrust upon me, but it's been a very discouraging, lonely process at times. I've come to realize that what I choose for myself is way less wonderful than what God has planned for me, and I sometimes get lost in daydreaming about and resenting what I don't have, taking my eyes off the Lord and His good intentions.
Lately, I've started a gym routine again, so I can have a reason to get up every morning other than to study and check off one more day on the calendar that separates me from Bible college. After being notified of my acceptance, I briefly looked at this place with fresh eyes, praying for people I would soon have to bid farewell and trying to burn a few scenes onto my retinas. But that romantic naivete soon caved in and I became quite scornful in my attitude. As it was last year, my books and theology were failing me. But this time I didn't surrender to all my old temptations; I just resolved to never spend another summer like this, even if it meant never spending another one here. And that, quite honestly, hasn't changed. I would never return to this place if I could find a job elsewhere--provided there would be other reasons to live outside here. Yeah, I could work here, but that's about it. Everything breaks for the summer. So I really do have nothing to anchor me here, in spite of the fact that God has granted me some great, albeit incidental at times, friendships.
But last night I bumped into someone who spoke quite profoundly into my life, and although it was no coincidence, it was still beyond what I expected when, at 4:00 p.m., God nudged me and said I should stop into Tim Horton's on my way home from a scheduled meeting. Which I did. And God was there. It took three hours to break away from that conversation. It was necessary. And perfectly timed. And I know I serve a God like that. In spite of how I've deprived Him of certain glory by failing to update this more often.
Anyway, the future is wide open, and a new chapter begins for me in a few weeks. And for that I wholeheartedly praise Him.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)
Lately, I've started a gym routine again, so I can have a reason to get up every morning other than to study and check off one more day on the calendar that separates me from Bible college. After being notified of my acceptance, I briefly looked at this place with fresh eyes, praying for people I would soon have to bid farewell and trying to burn a few scenes onto my retinas. But that romantic naivete soon caved in and I became quite scornful in my attitude. As it was last year, my books and theology were failing me. But this time I didn't surrender to all my old temptations; I just resolved to never spend another summer like this, even if it meant never spending another one here. And that, quite honestly, hasn't changed. I would never return to this place if I could find a job elsewhere--provided there would be other reasons to live outside here. Yeah, I could work here, but that's about it. Everything breaks for the summer. So I really do have nothing to anchor me here, in spite of the fact that God has granted me some great, albeit incidental at times, friendships.
But last night I bumped into someone who spoke quite profoundly into my life, and although it was no coincidence, it was still beyond what I expected when, at 4:00 p.m., God nudged me and said I should stop into Tim Horton's on my way home from a scheduled meeting. Which I did. And God was there. It took three hours to break away from that conversation. It was necessary. And perfectly timed. And I know I serve a God like that. In spite of how I've deprived Him of certain glory by failing to update this more often.
Anyway, the future is wide open, and a new chapter begins for me in a few weeks. And for that I wholeheartedly praise Him.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
